Jun
10
Words We Hate
On Twitter today, I saw the hash tag #wordswehate flash by in my feed. @MrsPickle_, a dangerous woman who reportedly owns multiple shotguns and machetes, was responding to a tweet from @btchygirls, who run the Web site BIBS (Bitches in the Burbs), by saying that she hates the word “moist.” Other popular responses included “trousers,” “bootylicious,” and several synonyms for the female pudendum (another ugly word)…
At this point, people who aren’t on Twitter are asking, “What the hell are you talking about, man?” Just stay with me for a minute…
For months now, I’ve had a list of “Words I Hate” to post here on my blog. One day I decided that they were a bit too bitchy to post. But the Bitches in the Burbs have uncorked the bottle, and since my responses to their hash tag seem to be fairly popular, I figure I might as well toss this list up online.
The inspiration for my list comes from my former coworker in Chicago, Ruth, who told me one day that hearing the word “stump” made her physically ill… So here are a few of the words that make me, if not sick, at least slightly nauseated.
Hubby
When women say this, it sets my teeth on edge. Ladies, must you infantalize your spouse? This word makes him sound like a mouth-breathing, roly-poly, bald guy with mustard stains on his bow tie. (If he is, then by all means keep using it.)
Peruse
When used properly, this word doesn’t annoy me at all. But it’s a sign of the times that a word once meaning “to study intently” has been transformed into a synonym for “to skim.” How exactly am I meant to peruse a one-page memo? Or a menu?
Basis
This one’s only mildly irritating. But it seems as though “basis” has replaced other more useful adverbs in American’s speech and writing. Why do we now habitually say “daily basis” when we mean “daily,” or “regular basis” when we mean “regularly”?
Eatery
This is a word that, I think, is fine to use in certain contexts. It’s just when it pops up in inappropriate places that I find it mildly nauseating. For example, if I read about a new fine dining restaurant downtown and the reviewer says, “This chic eatery is the perfect place for a first date,” I throw up a little.
Really, why on earth would I want to dine in an “eatery”? There’s no such thing as a “chic eatery,” or even an appetizing eatery for that matter… To me, the word is more suggestive of a factory for fat people… It conjures up an image of hordes of mall-trawling, morbidly obese people scooting around the mall in their Rascals with corn dog crumbs and pizza sauce on their shirts.
Nothing worth eating has ever been served in an eatery. However, if we’re talking about going down to the Chat ‘n’ Chew, or if we’re referring to the Sbarro’s at the food court in the Mall of America, then by all means use the word.
Amazing
In all likelihood, what you really mean is “slightly better than mediocre or commonplace.”
“Amazing” is overused to the point of inanity, more often than not by very excitable people whose every statement sounds like a question. “Omigod, that restaurant was amazing… These shoes are amazing… I watched Dancing with the Stars last night, and Kirstie Alley was amazing.” It doesn’t take much to amaze someone like that.
I lived in the Midwest for a few years, and I knew a woman there who pronounced this word through her nose. When she said it, it would resonate outward from her face as a destructive cone of sound reminiscent of Godzilla’s “Nuclear Pulse.” In fact, she once took out three whole city blocks raving about a shitty eatery in Lincoln Park.
Gender
Don’t be shy. We’re all adults here. You’re allowed to say “sex” when you mean “sex.” Speaking for myself, I don’t have a gender: I have a penis, which means my sex is male.
“Gender” has its appropriate uses, but in most everyday speech it reeks of Puritan squeamishness.
It begs the question
No, it doesn’t. It raises the question, goddammit! As a proofreader, I see this term misused on a daily basis. (See, it is annoying, isn’t it?) “To beg the question” means to use circular logic.
Foodie
Now, the other words I’ve been bitching about are ones at which I usually just roll my eyes. However, I truly, deeply loathe the word “foodie.” I despise it the way Ruth hates “stump.”
And it’s not just because it sounds childish, like “hippie” or “groupie.” (Jesus, just listen to the word! Doesn’t it make you think of those little gray blobs from the ABC Bod Squad?). It’s not just because it’s a completely useless neologism. (“Foodie” is the sort of word that Sarah Palin would coin—precisely because she doesn’t know what a gourmet, gourmand, gastronome, or epicure is). It’s not just the word that annoys me, but the very concept itself.
For being a foodie essentially means being overly proud of yourself for realizing that fast food is shit. As if this required one to be a connoisseur (oh, look, another synonym!). That’s all it means: “I care about what I eat. I don’t mindlessly hork down chili dogs and bellybusters. I know how to cook competently using proper fresh ingredients.” Congratulations!
And at least in my experience, only Americans are “foodies.” We’re always “discovering” something! In this case, culinary principles that the rest of the world has taken for granted for centuries.
***
I’ve been told I overreact to these words—”foodie” in particular. And this is probably true. I once went on a tirade about these words while having dinner at a restaurant in D.C. Without a beat, my girlfriend, Misou, came up with this sentence: “My hubby and I are huge foodies. There are a ton of amazing chic eateries here in our neighborhood that we go to on a daily basis.”
I tried to come up with a similarly clever riposte, but she had me stumped.
Bitchy enough for you? Add the words you hate here in a comment, or go on Twitter and use the hash tag #wordswehate.
I’m now following your blog, so I’ll come back later this evening to stak… er… read your old posts and will be keeping my eye on you O.o
